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Euroenglish
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be
known as "EuroEnglish". See the schedule and evolution below.
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"... Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make
words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that
the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and
they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
(EU joke in 1999)
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